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Becoming a better person, Creating a better society., Creating new habits, Kindness and empathy, Kindness thoughts, Organizing thoughts on kindness
Anger is a wonderful emotion, because it lets you know, in no uncertain terms, what is important to you. So when you are angry, think back carefully to what triggered that emotion. What was it that is so valuable to you that it riles your emotions to have it challenged or lost?
Ask yourself, what need is that person fulfilling by those actions?
To be good at something requires practice, and to practice requires opportunities, and as there are many little opportunities those are the ones to practice upon.
Useless education just fills up your brain with useless stuff. When you have a goal then the knowledge and skills you need become obvious and your learning becomes more interesting and therefore easier to learn.
Being human is using one’s inborn language ability to share information which helps us to think and predict future events.
We must begin every conversation with an empathetic understanding of where the other person is at this moment.
Every strong emotion imposes itself on our thinking. We can not think when we are in the grip of any emotion. Emotions always trump rational thoughts.
Anger is a punitive emotion seeking a weaker target and its vehemence deterred only by fear of being overpowered by a responding force.
Advice is given as if we were in that other person’s place, but they are not us and they couldn’t respond as we would respond, even if they wanted to.
Giving of a kindness and receiving of a kindness creates trust and makes improving relationships possible.
People are always comparing other people to some inner ideal, but we can choose to simply accept them as they are, facing their problems with the resources which they have available to them.
The common phrase “no but” is a denial of the other person. The comic’s approach of “yes and” affirms the other person, improves the communication and makes creative new ideas possible.
“Yes and” statements make both parties in a conversation into winners.
Attempting to change another person’s thoughts or behaviors is certain to cause conflict.
Giving attention to other people encourages them to give attention to you and both people gain and feel better.
We are all part of something vastly bigger than us, and within this vastness we can find areas where we can benefit both parties by our communication.
Any criticism should be avoided, but when it can’t be avoided it is best to sandwich it between agreeable statements.
When people are angry with you it means they are not empathizing with your needs, and you must present yourself in terms which they can understand.
You are in partial command of yourself and you choose how you respond to all situations, the good and the bad, the beautiful and the ugly.
Truth is spoken of as an absolute, and yet it reeks of arbitrary sub-parts, and the best we can hope for is truthfulness from an honest person. TRUTH is a fantasy and perhaps there is only one big truth, and that is that the universe exists, but even that is challenged.
To communicate positively with people you must be talking about balancing your needs with theirs.
Children have some natural instinct toward giving kindness to other people, and it can be cultivated by showing them how to share things, which will help the other person.
Normal people want to help other people.
My goal is to help all humanity to live more robust lives, this includes people I can never know personally.
The goal of wisdom is to find contentment in one’s world and to help others find contentment in theirs.
A contented person has abandoned judgment and criticism and sheds what is needed onto all he meets.
Carrie Ebner said:
I think any written piece which begins with “anger is a wonderful emotion” deserves to be acknowledged for the sheer counter-intuitiveness of it!
I don’t believe “normal people want to help other people” because I don’t know what a “normal person” is. I also think criticism is extremely beneficial, and when communicated empathetically, gets more mileage. No person can abandon judgement… and filling one’s head with useless education touched a very relevant chord within me.
Thanks for this ongoing study on kindness…I am noticing it crop up more and more in my daily goings-on and saw it in children yesterday. It shall be encouraged.
probaway said:
Thank you for your continuing interest! As the title states these are working notes for a hoped for more useful and comprehensive article on kindness. These notes do include some controversial ideas which I hoped will stimulate me and any potential readers to think more deeply about the underlying ideas. These are not recommendations for behavior, but written challenges for thoughtful consideration.
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probaway said:
I read your fine comments and watched the video, and agree with your premise. My quest is a little different, I am exploring the path of personal education being totally goal directed. And, that goal is created by having an important problem to solve, and thus the real problem of great education become developing the ability to see the real problems. When a person is in a problem solving mode, their search for solutions drives their quest for finding known facts, applicable processes, and the wisdom of workable procedures. I see most of modern education as training for workers, who behave like drone bees. They do what is requested of them, like drone bees. To me that isn’t education it is programming.
Carrie Ebner said:
Hmm…interesting. Do you think some people are happier with being a “bee?” I can imagine a story about a character who goes to work to repeat tasks she knows well and can perform efficiently, but has a rich after work life which is her real education.
Sadly, I dwell in fiction much of the time.
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