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The postCultivating kind actions — VIRTUES — #1 Compassion toward everyone for coping with their unresolvable problems.”

We can’t fix everyone, but we can help people to be in a better relationship with their problems, even their unresolvable ones. We can begin by getting our mind into a more realistic observational mental state. We need to be able to recognize their current emotional state and observe it thoughtfully. It would be useful if it fits on the Kübler-Ross scale of grief: DENIAL – with avoidance, confusion, elation, shock, and fear; ANGER – Frustration, Irritation, and Anxiety; BARGAINING – Struggling to find meaning, Reaching out to others, Telling one’s story; DEPRESSION – Overwhelmed, Helplessness, Hostility, and Flight; ACCEPTANCE – Exploring options, New plans in place, and Moving on.

It isn’t necessary that this model precisely portrays the person and their relationship with their unresolvable problem, but it is a way to get a starting orientation. However, even before we make such a generalization we should simply observe the obvious facts and make a list. This will help us recall more accurately how things were at that earlier time, how they are changed later and how they may be changing in the future.

It is important for us to understand where the person’s emotional condition is at the moment because our compassion must address the reality of where they reside in this instant. The listed Kübler-Ross states are sufficiently different from one another that it requires a different stabilizing behavior on our part for them to be able to respond in a better way to their problems.

A person in an angry state isn’t going to relate well to suggesting that they explore alternate possibilities. They would rather fight whatever it is that’s frustrating them. Whereas a person in an emotional state of acceptance of their condition would be willing to search for options. And the reverse is true: a person in a state of acceptance wouldn’t welcome a fight as a reasonable option, because there may be an even greater loss if a direct conflict is approached.

Coping with unresolvable problems requires approaching them with an emotional state that is suited to fit the people involved.