Version #14 has more hope, enthusiasm, brevity, and Universality, but it needs more revelatory appeal.
We Unitarian Universalists are giving kindness and finding hope by:
- —discovering the orderly nature of our Universe, so we can help ourselves and others benefit from all that is possible.
- —creating an ideally balanced human society, so you and I and everyone else can have a meaningful life.
- —dedicating our wisdom to the great tradition of alleviating the suffering of all living beings.
- —helping one another use our abilities for our own and others’ well-being.
- —appreciating that we as a fellowship of people expressing diverse views are discovering wonderful new ways of living.
- —making a habit of doing kind things that help us love one another and our Universe.
I read and discussed the version #14 above with some friends this morning and in general they liked it, but … no one said wow, I want to join up with the people who are willing to proclaim that as their life style. I think reversing the order in the repeated title line would help a little. – We Unitarian Universalists are finding hope in life and giving kindness to people by:
and then each of the bullet lines could have a more passionate motivating word that would bring the line to a more desirable and inspirational presence.
I will ponder this for a while.