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Version #14 has more hope, enthusiasm, brevity, and Universality, but it needs more revelatory appeal.

We Unitarian Universalists are giving kindness and finding hope by:

  1. —discovering the orderly nature of our Universe, so we can help ourselves and others benefit from all that is possible.
  2. —creating an ideally balanced human society, so you and I and everyone else can have a meaningful life.
  3. —dedicating our wisdom to the great tradition of alleviating the suffering of all living beings.
  4. —helping one another use our abilities for our own and others’ well-being.
  5. —appreciating that we as a fellowship of people expressing diverse views are discovering wonderful new ways of living.
  6. —making a habit of doing kind things that help us love one another and our Universe.

 

I read and discussed the version #14 above with some friends this morning and in general they liked it, but … no one said wow, I want to join up with the people who are willing to proclaim that as their life style. I think reversing the order in the repeated title line would help a little. – We Unitarian Universalists are finding hope in life and giving kindness to people by:

and then each of the bullet lines could have a more passionate motivating word that would bring the line to a more desirable and inspirational presence.

I will ponder this for a while.