Clockwork Purple – Bend writers group October 2, 2017
Our sourcebook was Inner Vegas by Joseph Gallenburger PhD
Unseen randomly chosen page 100 by Aingeal
Unseen randomly chosen line 5 by Gail
In my meditation, I was alone in process
Alexa set timer for 45 minutes
I am such a bore that several times per day people tell me to shut up. They are usually polite in their phrasing of that request, but the message is always clear. This problem began at my very first day in school back at Homedale, Idaho, when I was five years old. I was put into school because there wasn’t anything for me to be doing out on the family farm, and the teacher was my cousin Millie, so it was an easy thing for me to transition from playing at home to playing at school. Homedale was a tiny town at that time and our tiny schoolhouse was big enough for a dozen or so kids, which meant in this case that all of the local kids grade one through three met in that one small room. It didn’t seem strange to anyone that I wasn’t even old enough to be admitted to the first grade in most school districts, but there I was all polished up and filled with smiles sitting in the center of the front row. That seating arrangement was probably so Millie could keep my youthful enthusiasm under control better, but I took it as an honor to be front and center.
Within minutes of when the classroom was stuffed with little kids, I began my formal education with Millie informing us of the rules. Basically, that was to sit quietly in our seats until recess times, to pay attention to the teacher, and to raise our hands before speaking. So, immediately I raised my hand and started talking. Millie was standing in front of me and was talking too, so I shut up, but in a few moments a new thought came to me and I started talking again. Millie told me that I must raise my hand before talking. So, once again I stopped talking and Millie continued with her first day’s lesson plan.
A little time went by and I had another thought and raised my hand and started talking. Millie once again told me that I must raise my hand before talking, to which I replied, “Millie, I do have my hand up.” She, rather patiently, told me that I must wait until I am called upon before I start talking. “But,” I said, “Millie, you don’t hold up your hand when you’re talking.”
That was my first day and the first hour of my formal education and it is characteristic of every hour of group meetings to this day. I could give a multitude of examples of that kind of response to my public presence. I think I have a genetic propensity for this style of behavior, and so I don’t feel any particular resentment to people responding to me as if I am a dunce. Later that day I was talking with my grandmother about how I should respond to what I felt was an unfair imposition on my liberty, and she, no doubt, gave me very mature reflections on how I should respond, but in my meditation, I was alone in process and I chose to be who I am and how I am.
Over the years I have done what I saw to be the right thing to do and have been able to get away with being me. It has cost those around me considerable aggravation and that includes those with legal power over me, like my teachers, my commanding officers in the USAF, and the government officials too, including people like Senator Joe McCarthy, and even people at the Bend Science Pub.
All of those people and even Governor Ronald Reagan have lost their battles for control over me.