I just deleted a half written post because I didn’t like where it was going. Having done that I realize that it was an action of my conscious person contradicting my zombie person. It was my zombie writing and following a particular direction of thought to its logical and reasonable conclusion but after pursuing that path for a while it became apparent to me that publishing the dictates of that post would interfere with my stated goal of creating an EarthArk. So, having that thought I stopped. I think this is the first time I have worked on something for an hour or so and then tossed it out on the principle of its interfering with my greater task. Usually, I would just set such a thing aside with a quick save with some recoverable title and quickly move on to something more promising.
In this case however it was apparent that these particular thoughts would never help me approach my higher goal, the creation of The EarthArk, and would very likely lead to a real distraction. These were good ideas, at least up to my usual conception of good ideas, but on a brief analysis I realized they would be distracting to my grander purpose and so they had to go. And so they went! It was after a minute’s thought of balancing goals and priorities that a simple Control A + Delete ended it all and I was free to move on to something which wouldn’t be so distracting. Which I did and started writing this monologue just to clear my mind.
I may not have much control over where my zombie takes me but after going along its path for a while and seeing where it’s headed, I can with my occasional and brief twinkling of consciousness stop it. This is a real power! It feels new to me, even though it seems like a trivial thing. I may not have much success in telling my zombie what to do but in the case of writing blogs I do have the power to delete what it says. Perhaps, this will give me some power to achieve a better control over its direction.
My conscious self may be a slow learner but my zombie is reasonably quick.
[ 8/25/2010. Weird update !!! – Stephen Colbert’s – Word of the Day – last night 8/24/10 was Control – Self – Delete. That makes me wonder if he or his staff is following me and read this post. Yes, Stephen I am watching you. I am no doubt, flattering myself to think that you are watching me. ]