Tags

, ,

The biggest problem in the world for most men is how to please a woman. So here goes an old guy’s take on it so you will know exactly what a bit of experience will tell you to do and not to do.

The absolutely number one thing you must do is be yourself. By that I mean don’t fake anything about yourself when first meeting a woman you are interested in. Don’t pretend to be rich or poor; don’t pretend to be mister nice guy, and open doors ,and give flowers, and be oh so solicitous if that’s not how you treat your mother, and aunts all the time; don’t dress up as mister cool in expensive clothes if you don’t do it every day. Don’t pretend to have a college degree if you don’t have one; don’t pretend to never take a drink if you are in fact a recovering alcoholic; in other words don’t pretend to be anything.

The reason is really quite simple: if it isn’t your true, and natural self that she sees on your first encounters then forever more you will have a problem of somehow not measuring up to her expectations, and that will cause never ending problems. The greater the distortion of your true self the worse it will be. Inexplicable problems will arise every minute of your life together from that moment on because it its very inception is was founded on a lie. In fact if you make any mistakes it should be on the side of revealing things about yourself that even you don’t like, and are actually trying to clean up and cover up. Such things as trying to get better grades in school, or make more money at work, not pal around so much with some of your loser friends, not waste so much time on stupid computer games. These are not really serious personality flaws, even though you may think so, so don’t try and hide them. If you are naturally quiet don’t try, and act boisterous, and if naturally outgoing don’t pretend to be a mouse just to fit in with some expectations. If all of your best friends think you are a jerk then accept that persona, and be a jerk around your potential love interest. Sure she may not like you as well as if you weren’t a jerk, but then when she accepts you the way you are then life is easier for both of you.

The same should be said of your expectations of the lady in your eye, try and see the real person, and accept them for what they are, and what their interests are, and not just the superficial paint job, and optimizing clothing she will be wearing. If you try to get a girl interested in some of your pursuits, and it doesn’t take instantly don’t pursue it, because any appearance of interest will soon fade away, and you will feel betrayed, and abandoned. And vice versa, because there will be lots of things she will be interested in that are simply girl things so why worry about that, and leave that ninety percent of her time to herself, and her girlfriends, and concentrate on sharing the ten percent which overlaps with your interests, and needs. Okay, enough said about being honest with your presentation of yourself.

The second thing in order to meet someone is that you must first be out where there is the possibility of a meeting, because believe it or not no one is going to come knocking at your door, and ask to share their life with you, and maybe a lot more. So if you are naturally quiet and retiring it is necessary to go places where retiring people go to meet other retiring people. The more people you have an acquaintance with the easier it is to meet new people. You don’t have to be friends to say hello to people you recognize, but if you do that then occasionally it becomes possible to stop, and chat for a minute or two. Then occasionally they will introduce you to others who happen to be with them, and then that other person becomes a nodding acquaintance. This takes no effort at all for extroverts, but it is more important for the retiring person because they tend to have fewer acquaintances, and thus fewer opportunities for new friendships. When you do meet a right person there will probably be some degree of recognition of mutual interest, and you should acknowledge that right away. A little conversation of a sentence of two is all it takes to get started, and generally that is difficult so just say anything that comes to mind but say it immediately. Once the ice is broken with a few conventional statements a more normal and interactive conversation can begin.

There seems to be a little known fact about meeting women, and that is that she must reject you three times before she talks to you. Not so much reject you as step back, and take an overview of you. It is very important that when she is in this analysis process that you are clearly presenting yourself honestly as who you are as asserted above. If you are not an absolutely obnoxious toad with snot driveling from your snout you will not be rejected at this point, and will be permitted to speak to her again, in passing that is. Just a few words, a few pleasantries, a few formalities is what is proper at this time. In the next encounter which might be only a few minutes later, but clearly a separate encounter, after she has had time to stabilize in her mind the first encounter you should begin again with the conventional conversation with a proper and appropriate hello, and say her name if you know it, and it is nice to see you again. At this time you should talk about something of mutual interest that happened before, and is happening at the moment, but don’t talk for more than a couple of minutes before you leave again. At this time you must give her your name get hers if you haven’t already. This period of absence is to permit her to think about you and talk to her friends about you. Once again it is important that you present yourself as you really are, and not some imposture. The fake you may try and probably wont bring off anyway, will be spotted subliminally, and give a feeling of unpleasantness which will hamper the next encounter, and the next if it occurs.

You are better off in these first encounters leaving the impression of this is me, here I am, what you see is what you get, take it or leave it, because chances are even if you are a bit different—everyone is different—you will be accepted. This is who you are, okay. If you were faking it at this time you are already in a hole which you will never get out of, ever.

Now you are in good position to begin a more real and deeper conversation, and discover if you really have something of mutual interest to talk about.