Most people don’t think much about Doomsday even though it will probably be an important event in their life, like a birthday, or having a child, or dying. Because it seems like a worthwhile topic I have brought the subject up many times with my coffee shop friends, but most of the time people soon tune out or just walk away. Here are some of the usual responses to Doomsday.

  1. “Oh NO why didn’t someone tell me about this before …” ahhhhh … actually that never happened.
  2. “Those dirty warmongering arms dealing rats! They will do anything to make money.” That happens quite a lot. It always works to blame somebody else.
  3. “This is an unpleasant topic so let’s talk about something more interesting. Where are we are going to have dinner. Or the coffee doesn’t taste as good as it used to. Did you see … ???” Insert a movie or book or silly political silliness.
  4. “A major atomic war will never happen because no one is stupid enough to do that.” Yes, like Hiroshima never happened or even Nagasaki.
  5. “Mutually Assured Destruction (MAD) prevents wars so we haven’t had one and never will.” To say the least there is lots of luck involved in this strategy.
  6. “The world is just too big, and too important to be destroyed.” On these subjects there is no one doing the measuring.
  7. “God wouldn’t permit it, because he loves humanity, and besides I am going to heaven when I die because I believe in – blat.” We all might wish this were true, but it would be helpful if there was some reproducible corroboration.
  8. “Our President has all the facts, and isn’t worried so why should I worry.” Our leaders are scared all the time, but they are carefully protected from showing fear, because it makes the public behave irrationally, and they start thinking.
  9. “Outside problems don’t interest me, when I am fully involved in my own thing.” That works quite well, until you and your thing vanish.
  10. “We will all be dead in a hundred years anyway, so why worry about the exact date or reason.” Actually a more realistic number is ten years.
  11. “I can’t do anything about it anyway, so why waste time thinking about it.” Actually there is quite a lot you can do, but it requires some thinking about it.
  12. “I focus on the good stuff, and I have some really good pot.” If that fails there is always some religious person to help you, for a small fee—like all your money, and your soul.
  13. “We have plenty of problems already, and don’t need to worry about that one until we get to it, and don’t bother me while I’m thinking about riding my skateboard down this staircase railing.” Duh.
  14. “I will do my job, and if everyone does their job, everything will be all right.” That’s a nice sentiment but millions of people’s jobs is to kill other people, they are called soldiers.
  15. “The Lifehaven project will give us a second chance.” OK but you have to do it, for it to work.

Okay, so I overshot the Top Ten a bit. It’s easy to do because there are infinitely more than ten reasons why not to worry about Doomsday. Just pick anything ridiculous that comes to mind, and promote it as a reason not to worry about Doomsday, and without doubt you will soon find you have plenty of boisterous supporters of your pathetic whine.